Wednesday, April 21, 2010

On the Life of an Average Live-In Elf

The life of an average live-in elf is not uncomplicated, though the principles by which it must live are simple. First, the elf must swear fealty to its master, promising to hold entirely to the word and discipline of the master. Second, a live-in elf is primarily a servant, and only secondarily a friend of the master, if the master so chooses to befriend the elf. Third, a live-in elf must at all times have a clean nose. Live-in elves are known for their poor hygiene--and this is normally accepted by the master--but the elf is even so given to the duty of having a clean nose, representing its desire to promote good personal hygiene.

In order to remain in the service of his master long enough to reap the benefits of his master's grace, a live-in elf must be eager and willing to practice these three principles of proper behavior. However, simply practicing these principles is not in itself admirable for a live-in elf, except in the case of a newly trained live-in elf. Instead, a live-in elf should seek to learn and understand the purpose of the principles, knowing the reasons upon which they have been established. The experienced live-in elf of a benificent master will understand the purpose and lesson of the rules, thereby surpassing the discipline of the rules and coming to rely soley upon the instructions of the master, who will in turn graciously provide for the needs of the elf.

--from The Handbook for a Successful Elf-Master Relationship, 3rd Ed.

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